"SELF DEFENSE AGAINST...THE BANANA..." Part 1

Alright, check these out, they may make you smile, laugh, giggle or just shake your head.  All of these are true, names and bits of information have been changed to protect the dignity of the guilty….

A veteran police officer and his partner were responding to a call at the local diner one evening.  When they arrived at the scene they saw a distraught young man in his late teens, brandishing a steak knife, threatening a couple patrons.  This being a small town the officers knew the young man and the reason why he was threatening the couple with the steak knife.  (The young woman was his recently ex-fiancé with her new boyfriend.)

The veteran officer calmly approached the youth who now turned his attention toward him.  The officer was a martial artist, a local legend having won a number of Tea Kwon Do tournaments.  His house was filled with plaques, trophies and other mementos of various national and international tournaments.  He was now the master instructor at the local dojang.  The youth recognized him and realized he was in for a few pounds of trouble.  So the kid panicked and lunged at the officer.  The officer stepped back and executed a “text-book” perfect disarm, just like they do in practice, the same thing he did at various demonstrations and exhibitions.

The youth stepped back, the officer bowed, picked up the knife and handed it back to the youth and went into “Chun-bi” stance. The youth looked at the knife and then looked at the officer.  Before realization set into the officer, the youth went to attack again.  This time his partner bopped the kid, took away the knife and cuffed him.

Afterwards, the partner asked the officer what happened, but not as gently as that.  His question was filled with various four-letter expletives.  The officer, embarrassed, admitted he blanked and thought he was back in class practicing.

A few years back, after a workout a bunch of us stopped by a local McDonalds to grab some quick food.  Behind the counter was an attractive young lady.  She overheard our conversation and saw the Asian writing on our shirts.  She asked if we were martial artists, my student Rich, in the hopes of getting her name and phone number quickly struck up a conversation with her, saying that we had just finished class. 

The young lady smiled and announced that she was a ju-jitsu master along with her brother.  Rich, thinking he had found his perfect woman, young, attractive and a martial artist; really turned on the “charm” if you want to call it that.  Women I know call it something else.  Anyway, he asked whom she trained with.  She said she and her brother had bought every Brazilian Ju-Jitsu DVD they could and she had read Bruce lee’s “Red Book” (?).

We were all struggling to keep a straight face.  But when she announced that her and her brother learned real combat techniques by watching YouTube and going to various websites, we busted out laughing.  So did Rich.  She became extremely angry.  She said she had “mad skills”.  She said she was going to get Bruce Lee’s other book and then watch the “Karate Kid” movies so then she’ll be a master of karate also – and Rich had better watch himself!

Hmmm....anyway, I'll have a couple more next time.